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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

Some people make headlines while others make history.

It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.

Some people make headlines while others make history.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

There are always survivors at a massacre. Among the victors, if nowhere else.

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The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground.

It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.

There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry.

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

Take a two-mile walk every morning before breakfast.

Take a two-mile walk every morning before breakfast.

Hello!

When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality.

Never read a book through merely because you have begun it.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation, but to be understood.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

My friends are my estate.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Use what you have to run toward your best - that's how I now live my life.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

How could you be a Great Man if history brought you no Great Events, or brought you to them at the wrong time, too young, too old?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

He will always be a slave who does not know how to live upon a little.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Why don't you write books people can read?

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

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Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

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Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

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